My students asked Ipolita and myself this question this past week: "Why are you here?"
They ask me frequently but I wanted to address it again. My students find it interesting that my dream is to live in Italy when their dream is to live in America. They compare their city/town to the American cities they see on television. I tell them there is no comparison. They are different. Italy is an old country, America is new in comparison. The houses, buildings, roads and cars are bigger. There is more space in America. The culture is different as well. But, I tell them that Italy is wonderful because it is old, it has a rich history and culture. Plus, the food is amazing! :) We went on to debate many other aspects as well...
The discussion made me think about my life and why I am in Italy. This is what I have discovered....
Being born and raised in America was a privilege that I was fortunate to have and wouldn't give up for the world. I love my life and without my life in America I wouldn't have had the opportunities that I have been blessed with. America is a cultural melting pot filled with many ethnicities. It is amazing to say that I know people with origins from all over the world. I myself am quite the mix. This is something that many people can't say. All the Italians I know are 100% Italian. Yes, I know in history there have been many take overs but for now they are "Italian." I tell my students that I am Italian, Irish, Swedish and German and they are amazed I could be so many things! :) I inform them that America is a country full of immigrants and that no one in America is 100% American because American as an ethnicity doesn't exist according to me. We all came from somewhere, except for the Native Americans who are technically the true "Americans." But, that is a subject in itself. Back to my life. :) So I am a mix. I told my students that unfortunately many people in America don't know where their ancestors came from. I am fortunate that I do know and am interested in my family history.
It is this that has drawn me to Italy. My ancestors were from Sicily. I grew up with customs and traditions that I thought were "American" but I have found out that really they were Italian. When I was little I was curious in Italy and everything that came with it. I dreamt that I would live there one day. That dream has come true but why was it a dream in the first place. For me, learning about my history and where I came from would somehow help me identify with who I was. I felt lost as a child/teen. I have pale skin and blue eyes, very much my father's child and recognized with that part of me but I wanted to find the Italian, my mother's part in me. I grasped on to my mother's culture as much as I could but I still couldn't feel whole. I knew only a part of myself and I needed to find that other half. I think living in America allowed me to feel "American" but I was missing another component, my "Italian" life. This was what I was lacking and found last year when I moved here. I felt it right away. I was whole. I found my identity. I was truly Italian American but in America I never felt that. I only felt like I was an American. Now, I am continuing to learn the language. I am at the point that I can understand a lot, even to the point that I can understand a random conversation on the train while I have my earphones in my ears listening to music. Speaking is another issue but I do speak when I am forced and even though it isn't beautiful, I can make myself understood.
I am proud of myself. I found the missing piece to my life's puzzle. I am Italian. My heart is home. I know who I am. I am working on the language so I can feel completely Italian. I am not fluent but I can speak more than anyone in my family and that in itself makes me feel happy to know we can continue building on the relationships my grandfather formed many years ago.
